WHY DO I FEEL ALONE EVEN WHEN I'M AROUND PEOPLE?
"I could be sitting with a group of friends, talking, laughing, eating, having a great time. But somehow I feel as though I'm not really there. It's as if I'm detached from my self. While talking I feel like I'm a witness to my own words, as if I were watching myself on a screen. I don't feel like I'm ever fully enjoying myself. It feels like something is missing, and that something feels like me."
A DIMINISHED SELF-WORTH OFTEN TRANSLATES into a sense of diminished physical presence. You feel as if you are a witness to yourself because there's an emptiness inside that leaves you unfulfilled.
A lack of purpose in your life makes it difficult for you to identify with other people, because you don't have a fix on who you are and what you stand for. Without a focus, an anchor, you feel transient and shallow.
The converse of this is also true. Someone who feels empowered and confident often has the sensation of being physically larger, commanding more space and attention. Interestingly enough, these people are often judged to be taller than they actually are and characterized as having a "large presence."
Often, there's a feeling of isolation because you feel alone even when you are not. Since you cannot connect to yourself, you may have difficulty relating to others. In conversations, you feel that people don't really listen to you, and you often feel overlooked and unappreciated in your personal and professional relationships. Although you crave attention and praise, you do not feel worthy of them.
You may be characterized as clumsy and uncoordinated. A lack of physical presence means you move uneasily through your world because you lack awareness of yourself. Conversely, someone who is confident and secure often moves briskly and with surety.
HOW DO I REALLY BE PRESENT?
1. Change your body language. :If you feel invisible, small, or insignificant around other people, chances are that your body language reinforces this.
Which person are you more likely to be drawn to: someone who stands up straight and tall, speaks clearly, and looks others squarely in the face, or someone who hunches over, mumbles incoherently, and avoids making eye contact?
Naturally if you project yourself as if you were the hunchback of Notre-Dame, people will respond to you that way and feel uncomfortable
in your presence. This perpetuates a vicious cycle, giving you feedback to reinforce your already low opinion of yourself.
Break out of this cycle immediately simply by changing how you stand, speak, and move around other people. Practice this by yourself first, as many times as you need to, until you start to feel more comfortable with your new posture of confidence. Then do it with one or two close friends or family members, then a small group of friends, and gradually increase your new "sphere of influence."
You'll find that confidence is like a shady tree in a hot desert— everyone wants to be near you.
2 .Build your self-esteem. The underlying cause of habitual loneliness is lack of self-esteem, so work on this problem directly. There are also exercises you can do on your own, such as making an updatable list of the things you like most about yourself and taping it to your mirror (see Number 1). Start a journal, and at the end of each day, note what you did that you feel proudest of. After only one month, if you go back and review the pages, I predict you will be amazed at just what a great person you
really are.
3. Improve your conversational skills. As with self-esteem, there are a number of resources you can use for this, such as communication and self-assertiveness workshops and adult education courses. Obviously this is the type of skill that is best built not by intellectualizing about it but through daily practice.
Find a friend who is also willing to brush up on his or her conversational and listening skills and commit to helping each other on a regular basis.
4. Decide on who you are and what kind of person you want to be. To feel alone is to be without purpose. Without knowledge of who you are, there is nothing to connect with. Do some soul searching. Discover what it is that you
want to accomplish with your life. And then begin to move in that direction.
HOPE NOW, I WONT FEEL ALONE IN THE CROWD.
From India, Mumbai
Hi
That is an interesting contribution to this site. There could be many people reading this who might find at least one of the four suggestions very relevant.
Those who never find themselves lonely can feel blessed, but they must make that effort to each out to those around them who could be lonely. A very insightful observation on loneliness reads as follows ' Loneliness is not the absence of people around us; rather it is experienced when people around us do not understand what is going on inside us'. A little bit of understanding can perhaps go a long way in making an individual feel more wanted, widely accepted and less lonely.
Those of you seeking more Inspirational and Motivational inputs would find the following blogs very useful
www.actspot.wordpress.com - Over 1,00,000 views and 660 followers
www.poweract.blogspot.com - Over 31,000 views and 175 followers
Regards
From India, Mumbai
490That is an interesting contribution to this site. There could be many people reading this who might find at least one of the four suggestions very relevant.
Those who never find themselves lonely can feel blessed, but they must make that effort to each out to those around them who could be lonely. A very insightful observation on loneliness reads as follows ' Loneliness is not the absence of people around us; rather it is experienced when people around us do not understand what is going on inside us'. A little bit of understanding can perhaps go a long way in making an individual feel more wanted, widely accepted and less lonely.
Those of you seeking more Inspirational and Motivational inputs would find the following blogs very useful
www.actspot.wordpress.com - Over 1,00,000 views and 660 followers
www.poweract.blogspot.com - Over 31,000 views and 175 followers
Regards
From India, Mumbai
Community Support and Knowledge-base on business, career and organisational prospects and issues - Register and Log In to CiteHR and post your query, download formats and be part of a fostered community of professionals.
