syma Started The Discussion:
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
Psychiatrist: I'll deal with you later.
Patient: Everyone keeps ignoring me.
Psychiatrist: Next please!
Mother: Mrs. Jokes next door has a new baby.
Daughter: What will she do with her old one?
Mother: You prayed for grandma, grandpa, and Aunt Sue. Why didn't you pray for Uncle John too?
Daughter: I didn't want to ask for too much.
Parent: I'd like a day without punishing you.
Little Mishief: You have my full permission!
Sailor: I was shipwrecked, and lived on a can of sardines for a week.
Captain: My, weren't you afraid that you'd fall off?
Student: Could I get in trouble if I didn't do something?
Teacher: Well, I don't suppose so.
Student: In that case, I didn't do my homework.
Jim: What's white, steep, and has ears?
Tara: I don't know.
Jim: A snow-covered mountain.
Tara: What about the ears?
Jim: Haven't you ever heard of mountaineers?
Camp Counselor: How did you get that horrible swelling on your nose?
Camper: I bent down to smell a brose.
Camp Counselor: There isn't a B in rose.
Camper: There was in this one!
Student: Teacher, how can I look up a word to spell in the dictionary
if I don't know how to spell the word in the first place?
Teacher: Why do they call it a Hot Water Heater? You don't need to heat hot water!
Polly: Why are you eating nickels?
Molly: Because the teacher wants to see some change in me.
Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I can't remember anything.
Doctor: How long have you had this problem?
Patient: What problem?
Ben: Did you hear about the new dance called the elevator?
Mike: I sure didn't! What's it like?
Ben: It has no steps!
Mailman 1: A dog bit me on the leg this morning.
Mailman 2: Did you put anything on it?
Mailman 1: No, he liked it plain.
Teacher: Joey, please use the word "wagon" in a sentence.
Joey: Ok, "If I told my dog to stop wagon his tail, he would still wag on."
Teacher: Charles, please use "discount" in a sentence.
Charles: Yes, ma'am. "Does discount as a sentence?"
Teacher: Duff, please use the word "window" in a sentence.
Duff: Yes, sir, here goes: "I entered a contest but didn't window."
Teacher: What do letters B.C. mean?
Pupil: Before Calculators.
Jake: I got an anonymous letter.
John: From whom?
Lenny: May I hold your hand?
Jenny: No, it is not that heavy.
Don: I didn't know our school was haunted.
Ron: Neither did I. How did you find out?
Don: Everybody's been talking about our school spirit.
Brent: In your opinion, what is the height of stupidity?
Trent: How tall are you?
Customer: When I bought this cat, you told me he was good for mice. He doesn't go near them!
Clerk: Well, isn't that good for mice?
Customer: Hi. I'm looking for a good buy.
Salesman: Oh. Ok. Goodbye.
Billy: Do you write with your right or left hand?
Joel: My left hand.
Billy: Wrong! You write with a pencil!
Jack: Did you hear about the giant that threw up?
Jill: No, how'd you know?
Jack: It is all over town!
Pam: Is it okay to eat hotdogs with hands?
Sam: No, hotdogs don't have hands!
Joe: I was built backwards.
Joe: My nose runs, and my feet smell!
Mad Professor: I have made a new invention!
Student: What does it do?
Mad Professor: It allows people to look through brick walls!
Student: What is it called?
Mad Professor: It's called a window!
Bobby: I've owned this car for 15 years and never had a wreck.
Prospective buyer: You mean you've owned this wreck for 15 years and never had a car.
Mary: Did you know they're not making pencils any longer?
Sue: Wow! Why not?
Mary: They're already long enough!
Michael: I was on tv today.
Jeremy: You're kidding! How long were you on?
Michael: Not very much. When my mom saw me she just told me to get off.
Sarah: Why were you late for your plane?
Jan: I had to say goodbye to my pets.
Sarah: But you were 2 hours late!
Jan: I have an ant farm!
George: Look, I just found a lost baseball.
Louis: How do you know it's lost?
George: Because the kids down the street are still looking for it!
Mom: What are you doing?
Bob: Washing myself, of course.
Mom: Without soap and water?
Bob: Haven't you ever heard of dry cleaning.
Teacher: Say, you can't sleep in my class.
Student: I could if you didn't talk so loud.
Teacher: Chubb, who invented the airplane that did not fly?
Chubb: The Wrong Brothers.
If you have any insight on this, or if you are looking for information on the same topic, please engage with this member to help add value to this discussion.
Disclaimer: This network and the advice provided in good faith by our members only facilitates as a direction towards the actions necessary. The advice should be validated by proper consultation with a certified professional. The network or the members providing advice cannot be held liable for any consequences, under any circumstances.
Explore Topical Knowledge Areas