Hi ALL,
I have been appointed as HSE(Health, safety and environment) Head in my company. I saw that one of our employee is not performing and he was one of the best performer we have. One day I happen to meet in person and ask him to accompany me for a cup of coffee, he agreed.
We chatted for a long time, the conversation started with my family and then he told me about his family and I realised that he has so much to share but due to something he could not do so earlier.
He told me how he has to shuffle between hospital and work life, his father is diagnosed with CANCER(last stage) and he is disturbed.
Just a week back, His father passed away and this fellow was shattered.
We tried hard to console him but of no avail.
Then my boss asked me to interfere and give him some counselling sessions. We discussed all the things, I told him I have gone through the same phase in my life(I lost my mother, she also had Cancer).
And I told him I had to console myself because of my father.
He understood the point and today he is much better.
HE MADE ME WRITE AN ARTICLE on GRIEF AND LOSS. I will share them with all of you soon.
Go through this article,
The significance of loss in people's lives
When we use terms like loss or grief, most people think of death and bereavement, and understandably so. This is because the loss through death of someone who is very important to us can have a devastating effect on our lives. However, what we also need to recognise is that loss and grief are much broader issues than death and dying. In fact, it can be argued that loss and grief are everyday matters to us in the sense that we are regularly experiencing some sort of loss in our lives.
Grief is our psychological response to any significant loss. If someone or something is important to us, then it can be said that we make an 'emotional investment' in that person or thing. Therefore, when we experience a loss, we also lose our investment - we have a psychological equivalent of a Wall Street crash, often with very profound results. Therefore, the loss of anyone or anything that is important to us can lead to a grief reaction. This can be felt:
# physically - for example, in terms of loss of appetite, stomach ache, headache and so on;
# emotionally - as feelings of sadness and/or anger;
# mentally - resulting in poor concentration and memory lapses; and
# behaviourally - leading us to behave in ways that are out of character (parallel with what happens when we are under stress - in fact, grief can be seen as a form of stress).
It is important to recognise that grief does not work in standard ways for everybody. It is a psychological matter and therefore varies with the individual. For example, if you are not an animal lover, then you may find it hard to accept that somebody is quite badly affected by the death of a pet but, for the person who has put a significant emotional investment into the animal concerned, its death can be a very significant blow, leading to very real feelings of grief.
We should be careful not to belittle other people's feelings as this can be seen as the equivalent of kicking somebody when they are down. It can also be dangerous - for example, if we underestimate how significant a loss is to a particular individual, then we may not realise how much an effect that loss has had on their ability to perform their duties. We may assume that someone is coping at their normal levels when in reality they are far below that level, possibly at a dangerous level.
If we are not aware of the importance and, indeed, prevalence of loss and grief in the workplace, then there is a danger that:
a) we will miss significant issues;
and b) we will misattribute such problems to other causes.
For example, we may assume that someone is underperforming because they lack commitment when, in fact, it is as a result of grieving that they are temporarily not able to achieve their usual standards of work. Also, grief issues which are not recognised and dealt with can get worse over time, leading to a situation known as 'cumulative grief'. That is, the negative effects of one loss can be added to the negative effects of further losses over time, resulting in much stronger negative impact on the individual and his or her contribution to the workplace.
Grief can also be a collective experience. For example, it is often not appreciated that a reorganisation or other major change in a workplace may lead to large numbers of people feeling that they have lost things that are important to them and, while those losses go unacknowledged and are not dealt with, their impact can steadily grow and have a very insidious effect. This can have a very detrimental effect on the organisational culture and can undermine teamwork.
It is easy to make the mistake of falling into the trap of assuming that loss and grief are issues that arise only very occasionally in people's lives. If we are not sensitive to the fact that they play a much more important and much more common role in people's lives, then we are likely to be working on the basis of a dangerously oversimplified view of the psychology of work and the workplace.
WHAT HR CAN DO TO HELP??
In terms of loss and grief, it is often the case that all that is needed to help someone is to recognise the fact that he or she is grieving and to acknowledge the painful experiences involved. Having their feelings acknowledged and therefore validated can often be enough to help someone cope with the difficult transition they are going through. Indeed, it is often people's insensitive response to loss and grief that becomes the major problem, rather than the initial loss in itself. We can avoid this escalation of the problem by sensitively recognising and responding to loss and grief issues. Even where it is not enough in its own right, acknowledging the grieving person's feelings is an important foundation on which to build in offering more complex forms of help.
Some people may need the help of a professional such as a counsellor, social worker or doctor. However, we should be careful to avoid the common assumption that somebody who is grieving automatically needs bereavement counselling. That is not the case. For most people, social support from their family, friends and colleagues is enough to get them through the situation as best they can. However, there will be circumstances when this is not enough. Often, professional help is required when there are 'complicating factors' - that is, issues which tend to make it more difficult to deal with the situation. Such complicating factors can include:
Multiple losses Some people can experience a number of losses in close succession or even at the same time; for example, major changes at work combined with divorce or relationship breakdown plus the death of a friend, for example.
Disenfranchised grief This term refers to the type of grief which is not recognised and which therefore goes without the usual social supports - for example, grieving the break-up of a secret relationship, such as an affair.
Suicide or murder People grieving the loss of a loved one through suicide or murder generally find that they have an additional burden to bear largely because such deaths bring a degree of stigma.
These are not the only complicating factors but should be sufficient to make the point that people often need help because the loss or losses they are experiencing (or the circumstances in which they are experiencing them) are not simple or straightforward.
Finally, it is important to note that a major barrier to dealing with loss and grief in the workplace is the common tendency to avoid the subject, to regard it as something that is generally not talked about. It should be clear from what has been said above that this is a dangerous approach to adopt, as it means that individuals who need help are unlikely to receive it - and this may lead to additional significant problems for all concerned further down the line (a lengthy, stress-related absence from work, for example).
Loss and grief are part and parcel of everyday life, and so it is important that we learn how to deal with them as effectively and constructively as we can, rather than bury our head in the sand and hope that they will not cause us any problems.
Please help those who are in need of help, dont just let them slip in a bigger trauma.
CHeers
Archna
From India, Delhi
113I have been appointed as HSE(Health, safety and environment) Head in my company. I saw that one of our employee is not performing and he was one of the best performer we have. One day I happen to meet in person and ask him to accompany me for a cup of coffee, he agreed.
We chatted for a long time, the conversation started with my family and then he told me about his family and I realised that he has so much to share but due to something he could not do so earlier.
He told me how he has to shuffle between hospital and work life, his father is diagnosed with CANCER(last stage) and he is disturbed.
Just a week back, His father passed away and this fellow was shattered.
We tried hard to console him but of no avail.
Then my boss asked me to interfere and give him some counselling sessions. We discussed all the things, I told him I have gone through the same phase in my life(I lost my mother, she also had Cancer).
And I told him I had to console myself because of my father.
He understood the point and today he is much better.
HE MADE ME WRITE AN ARTICLE on GRIEF AND LOSS. I will share them with all of you soon.
Go through this article,
The significance of loss in people's lives
When we use terms like loss or grief, most people think of death and bereavement, and understandably so. This is because the loss through death of someone who is very important to us can have a devastating effect on our lives. However, what we also need to recognise is that loss and grief are much broader issues than death and dying. In fact, it can be argued that loss and grief are everyday matters to us in the sense that we are regularly experiencing some sort of loss in our lives.
Grief is our psychological response to any significant loss. If someone or something is important to us, then it can be said that we make an 'emotional investment' in that person or thing. Therefore, when we experience a loss, we also lose our investment - we have a psychological equivalent of a Wall Street crash, often with very profound results. Therefore, the loss of anyone or anything that is important to us can lead to a grief reaction. This can be felt:
# physically - for example, in terms of loss of appetite, stomach ache, headache and so on;
# emotionally - as feelings of sadness and/or anger;
# mentally - resulting in poor concentration and memory lapses; and
# behaviourally - leading us to behave in ways that are out of character (parallel with what happens when we are under stress - in fact, grief can be seen as a form of stress).
It is important to recognise that grief does not work in standard ways for everybody. It is a psychological matter and therefore varies with the individual. For example, if you are not an animal lover, then you may find it hard to accept that somebody is quite badly affected by the death of a pet but, for the person who has put a significant emotional investment into the animal concerned, its death can be a very significant blow, leading to very real feelings of grief.
We should be careful not to belittle other people's feelings as this can be seen as the equivalent of kicking somebody when they are down. It can also be dangerous - for example, if we underestimate how significant a loss is to a particular individual, then we may not realise how much an effect that loss has had on their ability to perform their duties. We may assume that someone is coping at their normal levels when in reality they are far below that level, possibly at a dangerous level.
If we are not aware of the importance and, indeed, prevalence of loss and grief in the workplace, then there is a danger that:
a) we will miss significant issues;
and b) we will misattribute such problems to other causes.
For example, we may assume that someone is underperforming because they lack commitment when, in fact, it is as a result of grieving that they are temporarily not able to achieve their usual standards of work. Also, grief issues which are not recognised and dealt with can get worse over time, leading to a situation known as 'cumulative grief'. That is, the negative effects of one loss can be added to the negative effects of further losses over time, resulting in much stronger negative impact on the individual and his or her contribution to the workplace.
Grief can also be a collective experience. For example, it is often not appreciated that a reorganisation or other major change in a workplace may lead to large numbers of people feeling that they have lost things that are important to them and, while those losses go unacknowledged and are not dealt with, their impact can steadily grow and have a very insidious effect. This can have a very detrimental effect on the organisational culture and can undermine teamwork.
It is easy to make the mistake of falling into the trap of assuming that loss and grief are issues that arise only very occasionally in people's lives. If we are not sensitive to the fact that they play a much more important and much more common role in people's lives, then we are likely to be working on the basis of a dangerously oversimplified view of the psychology of work and the workplace.
WHAT HR CAN DO TO HELP??
In terms of loss and grief, it is often the case that all that is needed to help someone is to recognise the fact that he or she is grieving and to acknowledge the painful experiences involved. Having their feelings acknowledged and therefore validated can often be enough to help someone cope with the difficult transition they are going through. Indeed, it is often people's insensitive response to loss and grief that becomes the major problem, rather than the initial loss in itself. We can avoid this escalation of the problem by sensitively recognising and responding to loss and grief issues. Even where it is not enough in its own right, acknowledging the grieving person's feelings is an important foundation on which to build in offering more complex forms of help.
Some people may need the help of a professional such as a counsellor, social worker or doctor. However, we should be careful to avoid the common assumption that somebody who is grieving automatically needs bereavement counselling. That is not the case. For most people, social support from their family, friends and colleagues is enough to get them through the situation as best they can. However, there will be circumstances when this is not enough. Often, professional help is required when there are 'complicating factors' - that is, issues which tend to make it more difficult to deal with the situation. Such complicating factors can include:
Multiple losses Some people can experience a number of losses in close succession or even at the same time; for example, major changes at work combined with divorce or relationship breakdown plus the death of a friend, for example.
Disenfranchised grief This term refers to the type of grief which is not recognised and which therefore goes without the usual social supports - for example, grieving the break-up of a secret relationship, such as an affair.
Suicide or murder People grieving the loss of a loved one through suicide or murder generally find that they have an additional burden to bear largely because such deaths bring a degree of stigma.
These are not the only complicating factors but should be sufficient to make the point that people often need help because the loss or losses they are experiencing (or the circumstances in which they are experiencing them) are not simple or straightforward.
Finally, it is important to note that a major barrier to dealing with loss and grief in the workplace is the common tendency to avoid the subject, to regard it as something that is generally not talked about. It should be clear from what has been said above that this is a dangerous approach to adopt, as it means that individuals who need help are unlikely to receive it - and this may lead to additional significant problems for all concerned further down the line (a lengthy, stress-related absence from work, for example).
Loss and grief are part and parcel of everyday life, and so it is important that we learn how to deal with them as effectively and constructively as we can, rather than bury our head in the sand and hope that they will not cause us any problems.
Please help those who are in need of help, dont just let them slip in a bigger trauma.
CHeers
Archna
From India, Delhi
Hey all, I really want all of you to share your views on this. Many people have read this post but there was no reply. Waiting.............................
From India, Delhi
From India, Delhi
Hi Archna,
Congratulations for your achievement.
Really you posted a good article. But Grief and loss are two sides of a coin. Sometimes we feel that it is loss but the grief remains there or viceversa. At such instances coming out of that trauma is a time consuming.
If persons like you are there for every one who are in these sort of situations really it will be helpful.
Thank you again for posting this.
Regards,
Katyayani
From India, Hyderabad
Congratulations for your achievement.
Really you posted a good article. But Grief and loss are two sides of a coin. Sometimes we feel that it is loss but the grief remains there or viceversa. At such instances coming out of that trauma is a time consuming.
If persons like you are there for every one who are in these sort of situations really it will be helpful.
Thank you again for posting this.
Regards,
Katyayani
From India, Hyderabad
Hi Archna,
Nice article! Actually when a loved one passes away of a known person we are loss for words because we know nothing or no one can replace this person. But we know it’s our duty to help them deal with the situation. Sometimes that person might not feel like talking but at those times it helps if you are just there and maybe listening. For a person who has lost a loved one, it myt feel a great deal better if there is someone close by.
You can’t look at one person and assume this is the way all people grieve so a person should understand how to handle each person’s grievances.
Some people might not ask for help or an ear to lend but it is important that we recognize them and help them through their times of need.
From Sri Lanka
Nice article! Actually when a loved one passes away of a known person we are loss for words because we know nothing or no one can replace this person. But we know it’s our duty to help them deal with the situation. Sometimes that person might not feel like talking but at those times it helps if you are just there and maybe listening. For a person who has lost a loved one, it myt feel a great deal better if there is someone close by.
You can’t look at one person and assume this is the way all people grieve so a person should understand how to handle each person’s grievances.
Some people might not ask for help or an ear to lend but it is important that we recognize them and help them through their times of need.
From Sri Lanka
Hi Arch, The Article you have posted it’s really touched the feelings of the heart, Its really really great. This is even happend with me too... Keep posting. Regards, Sridhar.B
From India, Hyderabad
From India, Hyderabad
Hi Archna,
Your Article gave me lots of strength to set back to my work today.
I was totally upset and was not able to concentrate on my work after hearing that two of my colleagues ,whom I can say Good Friends rather Colleagues are resigning and leaving the company in the next week.
Thanks for Posting
Swapna
From India, Hyderabad
Your Article gave me lots of strength to set back to my work today.
I was totally upset and was not able to concentrate on my work after hearing that two of my colleagues ,whom I can say Good Friends rather Colleagues are resigning and leaving the company in the next week.
Thanks for Posting
Swapna
From India, Hyderabad
Hey Thanks Katyayani,
I agree that grief and loss are two sides of the same coin. That is why I have mentioned both in the article.
We all know how we felt when we lost any person close to us, but when it comes to others we just dont lend a helping hand, due to various reasons.
If we feel keeping our own pain in mind we cn easily make the other person happy.
Hope you agree.
Cheers
Archna
From India, Delhi
I agree that grief and loss are two sides of the same coin. That is why I have mentioned both in the article.
We all know how we felt when we lost any person close to us, but when it comes to others we just dont lend a helping hand, due to various reasons.
If we feel keeping our own pain in mind we cn easily make the other person happy.
Hope you agree.
Cheers
Archna
From India, Delhi
Hi Ashra, You are absolutely right. This is how we can make other person feel comfortable even without speaking anything. Thanks for supporting my views. Take care Archna
From India, Delhi
From India, Delhi
Thank you Sridhar and Swapna,
This article is for those who have lost and I know we all have lost someone close to us.
Like you said Swapna, two of your colleagues are leaving company and you are sad about it.
I hope this article helped you all and help others also.
Thanks for reading and sharing your valuable inputs with me.
Cheers
Archna
From India, Delhi
This article is for those who have lost and I know we all have lost someone close to us.
Like you said Swapna, two of your colleagues are leaving company and you are sad about it.
I hope this article helped you all and help others also.
Thanks for reading and sharing your valuable inputs with me.
Cheers
Archna
From India, Delhi
Hi Archna,
Losing some one close and then work priority. Hmmmmm.
It surely is the problem to look at, I never thought this way before, thanks for reminding.
I agree with you an HR professional can bring change in organisations, many of them are doing it.
I wish you could come back to Germany!! Many companies want to see this part of HR also.
Good work.
Regards
Abhinav
From Germany
Losing some one close and then work priority. Hmmmmm.
It surely is the problem to look at, I never thought this way before, thanks for reminding.
I agree with you an HR professional can bring change in organisations, many of them are doing it.
I wish you could come back to Germany!! Many companies want to see this part of HR also.
Good work.
Regards
Abhinav
From Germany
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