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Some Preparations to Have Kids - On the Fun Side!!
Test - 1
Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour. Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.
Test - 2
To discover how the nights will feel:
1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.
Test - 3
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems:
1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang out.
3. Time allowed for this: all morning.
Test - 4
Forget the BMW and buy a practical 5 door wagon. And don't think that you can leave it out on the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
2. Leave it there.
3. Get a coin. Insert it into the cd player.
4. Take a family size packet of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Test - 5
Get ready to go out
1. Wait
2. Go out the front door
3. Come back in again
4. Go out
5. Come back in again
6. Go out again
7. Walk down the front path
8. Walk back up it
9. Walk down it again
10. Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
11. Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.
12. Retrace your steps
13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours come out and stare at you.
14. Give up and go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.
Test - 6
Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.
Test - 7
1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor.
7. You are now ready to feed a 12-month old child.
Test - 8
Can you stand the mess children make. To find out:
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower beds and then rub them on clean walls.
4. Cover the stains with crayon.
How does that look?
Test - 9
Make a recording of someone shouting "Mummy" repeatedly. Important: no more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy - occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet if required. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Test - 10
Put on your finest work attire. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
Now:
1. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it
2. Stir
3. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt
4. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
5. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
6. Do not change, you have no time.
7. Go directly to work.
Finished Everything? You are now ready to have Kids!!
Giri i was troubling child only in eating food.. rest of things i was too quite and obedient baby... My Mom told me.
what ever Hima has wrote is right. My Cousin is blessed with girl baby and she is doing everything what Hima wrote for infants walking in night singing in dark and so on.. Now the generation is like that baby know how to put us in trouble but still they are adorable...
Giri i was troubling child only in eating food.. rest of things i was too quite and obedient baby... My Mom told me.
what ever Hima has wrote is right. My Cousin is blessed with girl baby and she is doing everything what Hima wrote for infants walking in night singing in dark and so on.. Now the generation is like that baby know how to put us in trouble but still they are adorable...
LOL Nithya!! Kids are Adorable in their own way!! Even the mischief they make are adored... Just Imagine them being silent for a day..We will get Damn Bored!!!!!!!!!!!
How much ever Naughty Kids are............Watching them itself relieves us of our tensions and relaxes us like anything!!
BTW..Just a Copy Paste Article Nithya... I did not write this... Due credits to the Author who wrote it so Hilariously and Interestingly!!!!
