Nainz Started The Discussion:
[ *A circular was found in one of the office notice boards*]
Dear STAFF*,
Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to
raise the efficiency of our firm.
__________________________________________________ ________

It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.
a) If we see you driving a *Honda*, we assume you are doing well
financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we
assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore
you do not need a raise. *

Each employee will receive *52 Annual Leave days a year *(*Wow!* said 1
- They are called *SUNDAYs*.*

a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that
they can look healthy.
b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.
c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed
to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. *

We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.
- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.*

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.
b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.
c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to
pay your salary. *

As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.
- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.*

All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted
from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges will
be deducted from your salary.

*Important Note*:
Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 4MB connection.

Just for information, *73%* of staff will not be entitled to any salary for
next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.

__________________________________________________ ________

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive
employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Best regards,

Posted 7th September 2006 From India, Chandigarh

Dear Sunaina, Great Announcement! very interesting. Would you like to tell the organization name as well Jay
Posted 7th September 2006 From Pakistan, Karachi
Dear Jay, All I can say is that am not a part of the Organization from where it comes from...:) Have a great day and a better weekend. Regards, Sunaina
Posted 8th September 2006 From India, Chandigarh
Dear Jay, You are welcome....all I know is it feels great to be acknowledged. Regards, Sunaina
Posted 8th September 2006 From India, Chandigarh


Found This Useful? +Vote Up This Via Google.  

Why Vote? User validation is extremely important for good content to prosper.
Disclaimer: This network and the advice provided in good faith by our members only facilitates as a direction towards the actions necessary. The advice should be validated by proper consultation with a certified professional. The network or the members providing advice cannot be held liable for any consequences, under any circumstances.

About Us - Advertise - Contact Us - RSS   On Google+  
Privacy Policy | Disclaimer | Terms Of Service
Facebook Page | Follow Us On Twitter | Linkedin Network